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Complaining Trains You to Be Negative

by Linda-Ann Stewart


coffee cup that says 'be happy'


Venting about a problem is a normal human reaction. When something goes wrong, you acknowledge it, and express your dissatisfaction and frustration. After you grumble, you generally deal with it, look for a solution and move on.

The Problem with Complaining

But if you begin to dwell on the problem, you make the switch to a complaining mindset. Every time you gripe to someone about the situation, your mind is replaying it in your imagination. And your mind can't tell the difference between your imagination and reality. To your mind and body, the problem is happening in real time all over again. The repetition affects you as much as the situation did originally.

Chronic complaining stresses and damages your physical and mental health. It affects your mood, encourages helplessness, impacts memory, reduces problem solving, weakens your immune system, raises your blood pressure, and much more. You wouldn't think that complaining would cause so much harm. But it does.

Complaining Trains Your Brain

And complaining doesn't just affect your physical health. In neuroscience, it's said that, "Neurons that fire together, wire together." Which means that the more you complain, the more neurons you're creating to notice problems and feel helpless. You're training your subconscious to be negative and look for fault everywhere.

And the more negative you are, the easier it is for you to be negative overall. Where your attention goes, energy flows. It's a cycle that spirals downward. Complaining also directs your subconscious to find more for you to complain about. Even being around other complainers can hurt you and lure you into modeling them.

But there is good news. You can use the same process to rewire your brain to be more positive. By taking control of your thoughts and refocusing, you can reprogram your subconscious to be more positive. You free up mental circuits to be more creative and seek solutions.

Reverse the Tendency to Complain

Within a few weeks of not complaining, you'll notice a difference. You'll have a more positive outlook, and have grown new neurons that support calm and peace of mind.

Here are some ways that will help you refrain from complaining and build a stronger, healthier, mindset.
  • As soon as there's a problem, acknowledge it and how you feel about it. Then, deliberately choose to look for a solution. You may not find one immediately, but your subconscious doesn't like to leave a question unanswered. It will continue to work on it until it finds an answer.

  • If a solution doesn't come quickly, move on to ask yourself, "What can I do to change my perspective on the situation?" It's said that "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Changing your viewpoint opens you up to ideas and opportunities that would have been invisible to you otherwise.

  • You could ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?" As an alternative, you could even ask your subconscious to find some good to come from the situation. Your subconscious is a problem solver, and will seek ways to make lemons into lemonade. This has always been my favorite response for any difficult situation. It's amazing how effective this tactic has been.
Being mindful takes more effort, but can reverse the tendency to complain and the damage it causes. You'll build stronger mental connections to be positive, and this ultimately brings you a healthier, happier, more successful, life.

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