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Choose Your Thoughts and
Focus On What You Want

Carol's budding romance fell apart when her boyfriend moved away. Soon after, he found someone else and married her. When Carol found out, she fell back into an old habit pattern of criticizing herself because things didn't work out as she'd expected. But as soon as she realized she was beating herself up, she reminded herself that it was her choice how she felt about the situation.

She could either continue to make herself feel bad, by berating herself for not being important enough for him to stay. Or she could remind herself of some of the reasons why the relationship had problems, such as their different values and interests. By focusing on the relationship issues, she felt better about the breakup. She chose to focus on the real reason the relationship failed, and felt better about the situation.

You have the power to choose what to think about. And what you focus on determines how you feel. If you think about all your failures, then you're going to feel dejected and disheartened. When you put yourself down, you feel incompetent. This will tell your subconscious to keep presenting you with situations that will make you feel this way.

Your feelings determine what actions you take. Negative and fear based feelings reduce your inner resources. And because you don't have that extra energy, you pull back and don't do what's necessary to resolve the situation.

For instance, you could focus on the fact that you don't have enough clients. Seeing only the lack will make you sink into fear and you'll try to find a way to reduce your expenses. Or you could focus on attracting more clients by promoting your business. You then go out and contact more people, tell them about your business, and fulfill your expectation of success. Your focus creates your feelings which determines your actions.

You get more of whatever you focus on. If you're thinking about lack of money, not achieving your goals, or how you're ineffective, then you'll get more of that to deal with. But if you focus on drawing abundance into your life, accomplishing your goals, and how you're capable of success, then that instructs your subconscious to find more opportunities for you to experience these things.

Unless it's to teach you a lesson, to cause you to deal with the reality of a situation, or to propel you into constructive action, there's really no reason to dwell on negative thoughts. Once you've learned the lesson from a negative situation and become aware of what you need to do, set aside the disempowering thought. It's no longer serving a purpose.

Your thoughts are like a wild horse. By corralling them and reining them in, you train them to follow your instructions and go where you want them to go. It takes persistent and gentle discipline to accomplish this. When you think something disempowering and negative, gently bring your attention back to something more empowering and constructive.

Initially, the negative thought might surface several times a minute, because the old pattern is strong. But each time this happens, refocus your attention on what you choose and eventually these new desires will be the norm.

Whenever you notice yourself feeling sad, bad or upset, ask yourself what you're thinking. Pay attention to what you're saying to yourself. Then remind yourself that you have the choice of what to think. There are always different aspects of a situation you can address. Pick something that is empowering and causes you to move forward.

When you train your mind to focus on what you want, you'll not only feel better, but you'll be more successful. You have the choice of what to think and focus on. Whether you exercise that power in a constructive or destructive way is up to you.

Copyright © 2009-2023 Linda Ann Stewart
All Rights Reserved

As a focus coach, hypnotherapist, and speaker, Linda-Ann Stewart motivates women to focus and transform their business through deliberate actions that break through distraction and overwhelm to greater success, freedom, wellbeing and prosperity. Watch her FREE training video on Set Your Course to Success: 4 steps to strategically achieve your goals with confidence and ease. Register for the video and accompanying action planning guide at You can contact her at or 928-600-0452.


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